NEWSFLASH! Monbiot Uncovers Scandal of Youngsters Shooting Their Mouth Off in Chat Rooms.

Sarc./

Crack investigative reporter George Monbiot has uncovered a scandal involving thousands of young people going online and saying inappropriate things which might shock adults.

In a special report for The Guardian newspaper, Monbiot detailed how some young guys on a chat room affiliated to a motoring website were saying things they shouldn’t.

He reports that:

Readers of the motoring website Pistonheads picked up on the debate tour, and responded as follows:

audidoody: “Glocks are plastic and impervious to metal detectors aren’t they?”

tinman0: “No.”

Tsippy: “Molotov Cocktail?”

pilchardthecat: “I do hope some crazed yokel turns up and shoots the —- in the face. If he could pop ’round to Toynbee’s house on the way home and beat her to death that would be doubly awesome.”

audidoody: “tinman0 said: No.

“Um .. it wasn’t meant to be taken literally. As any fule kno, Glock’s are made from a high-strength nylon-based polymer invented by Gaston Glock and called Polymer 2 and that this plastic was specially formulated to provide increased durability and is more resilient than carbon steel and most steel alloys. My one-liner was a veiled reference to the event in Tucson. Oh, never mind.”

Guardian. Let’s Debate the Environment and Drop the Death Threats.

What’s particularly worrying about this development is that young guys who are into motor-sports are well known for never joshing, telling “one-liners” or saying stuff they don’t really mean. Instead, most young guys who frequent the chat rooms affiliated with motoring websites are known to be shy, thoughtful types who think long and hard before commenting on an issue, and never, ever make silly and inappropriate jokes.

Clearly these young men have been turned into vicious killers, probably by visiting websites which are openly sceptical on anthropogenic global warming. Their minds have obviously been warped by discussions on the role of water vapour in climate sensitivity, albedo feedback, and projected rates of temperature increase over the next century.

Monbiot intimates that he is releasing this special investigative report now, because “in the unlikely event” that he is assassinated (possibly by an undercover conspiracy against him) he wants people to know where the threat originated from:

Unlike the US, we don’t yet have a culture of grassroots political violence, so I’m only slightly concerned. But I’m writing this article so that, in the unlikely event that something does happen, you’ll know where it may have started.

It is to Monbiot’s credit that he continues to break the really big stories, like this scandal involving young guys saying naughty things online, even though he believes he might be assassinated.

Mr Monbiot is understood to be currently working on his next expose, revealing the scandal of young girls putting too much make-up on. He is is said to have gone into hiding after some comments on a chat room affiliated with a cosmetics website.

/sarc.